Here's A Powerful Parenting Question
Sunday, April 28, 2024
Sunday, April 28, 2024
Here's A Powerful Parenting Question
Sunday, April 28, 2024
Here's A Powerful Parenting Question
Are you asking this powerful question when your child seems stuck? Parenting can be an emotional rollercoaster, especially when you see your child grappling with anxiety, anger, or distress. Your deepest wish is for them to feel strong and in charge of their emotions.
Introduction
Are you asking this powerful question when your child seems stuck?
Parenting can be an emotional rollercoaster, especially when you see your child grappling with anxiety, anger, or distress. Your deepest wish is for them to feel strong and in charge of their emotions.
Let’s take Callum, for example.
When Callum’s parents (Karly and Con) reached out for help with his school anxiety and frequent aggressive outbursts at home, they were at breaking point. They had no idea how to help him because he was, in their terms, “so dysregulated he was out of control,” yet, on the other hand, they felt like he was “totally controlling their lives."
You can imagine how distressing this was for Karly, Con, and Callum’s sister, who felt like her parents were always focused on Callum.
She told them she was sick of him ruling their household and getting all the attention.
She was hurting; Callum was unhappy and out of control and their parents were exhausted having tried everything they could think of to manage their son's behaviour, with no success.
The good news is that today I’m going to share with you a very powerful question I taught Calum’s parents which helped to turn things around for him and his whole family.
Most parents don’t even know about this, yet, when you use this questioning technique,
you too can empower your child with the same level of confidence and resilience Callum has now.
You’ll feel the weight lifted, as Karly and Con did, and, like them, you’ll be able to move toward regaining harmony in your home, too.
But before I share this question with you, let's talk about feelings for a moment.
These days, many educators and parents are doing a great job of helping kids expand their awareness of emotions. The trouble is that most people don’t know how to utilise this increased awareness of emotions.
Here's the truth: many kids and adults can express how they feel, but they don’t yet know what to do with these emotions and how to move on from feeling stuck, “overemoting.” (This is the trap we can all fall into when we’re stuck in a negative thought loop without knowing how to move forward.)
When a child is worried about something, they’re already feeling anxious which means their nervous system is already in a heightened state which can lead to them becoming very annoyed when their parents or educators ask them how they feel.
In fact, doing this can escalate their emotional state.
So, rather than ask your child how they feel, in that moment, try this instead:
“I can see that this is affecting you.
Would you like some help with this or have you got this?”
Why is this question so powerful?
1. This helps you to take a step back, observe your child and become acutely aware of their emotional state. You don’t need to know the exact label for their feelings. You simply need to know that what they’re experiencing is impacting them.
2. This allows you to validate and acknowledge your child from a place of compassion without judgement so they feel seen, heard and understood.
3. This question shows your child you’re on their team because you’ve acknowledged the effect this situation is having on them and asked if they would like your support.
4. You didn’t tell them what to do and try to solve the issue for them. This means you’re empowering your child by giving them the option of accepting your support or not.
5. This simple question puts the situation back in your child’s hands, allowing them to assess whether they can manage the challenge independently. When they confidently respond, "Yes, I've got this!" You’ve just empowered them to seek their own solutions.
6. You’ve lovingly provided your child with the opportunity to take ownership of solving the problem. This exercises their thinking and problem-solving muscles, not yours, and helps them create and strengthen positive neural pathways they can activate when they face new challenges.
7. If your child expressed uncertainty or reached out for your assistance, this provides an opening for you to offer requested, rather than imposed guidance and support. Validating their feelings, providing reassurance, and collaborating on coping strategies can significantly impact them and how they resolve issues in the future.
8. The fundamental principle is to grant your child the space to take ownership while assuring them that your support is always within reach. Over time, this approach cultivates their self-efficacy and builds their skills to navigate life's stressors.
It's important to acknowledge that this journey isn't devoid of challenges. There may be times when your child pushes you away or experiences emotional outbursts before finding their resilience. However, by saying and asking this powerful question you plant the seed of trust and self-confidence that will eventually allow them to thrive, even when challenged.
So, next time you notice your child is stuck in a negative loop of thoughts and feelings I encourage you to say:
“I can see that this is affecting you.
Would you like some help with this or have you got this?”
- Sue :)
See other posts like this one:
Monday, November 11, 2024
What to Do and What NOT to Do About School Anxiety
Your child's bright, creative spirit used to light up the room. But lately, that light seems dimmed by a dark cloud of anxiety. You see their internal struggle unfold daily through meltdowns, school refusal, and overwhelming fears. Behind their worried eyes lies a sensitive soul yearning to break free, and as their parent, watching their pain is almost unbearable.
Monday, September 09, 2024
The Hidden Impact of Emotional Trauma on Childhood Anxiety
Many of us grew up hearing phrases like, "Why are you crying? I'll give you something to cry about!" These words, often said in frustration, may seem harmless in the moment but can have lasting effects on a child's emotional well-being.
Sunday, August 25, 2024
Why I Became Resistant and Anxious at School - A Client Story
Have you ever wondered why your child seems to resist school more and more? The anxiety, the reluctance to get ready in the morning, the excuses not to go—it’s enough to make any parent worry. What if it’s not just a phase? What if something deeper is at play?
Introduction
Are you asking this powerful question when your child seems stuck?
Parenting can be an emotional rollercoaster, especially when you see your child grappling with anxiety, anger, or distress. Your deepest wish is for them to feel strong and in charge of their emotions.
Let’s take Callum, for example.
When Callum’s parents (Karly and Con) reached out for help with his school anxiety and frequent aggressive outbursts at home, they were at breaking point. They had no idea how to help him because he was, in their terms, “so dysregulated he was out of control,” yet, on the other hand, they felt like he was “totally controlling their lives."
You can imagine how distressing this was for Karly, Con, and Callum’s sister, who felt like her parents were always focused on Callum.
She told them she was sick of him ruling their household and getting all the attention.
She was hurting; Callum was unhappy and out of control and their parents were exhausted having tried everything they could think of to manage their son's behaviour, with no success.
The good news is that today I’m going to share with you a very powerful question I taught Calum’s parents which helped to turn things around for him and his whole family.
Most parents don’t even know about this, yet, when you use this questioning technique,
you too can empower your child with the same level of confidence and resilience Callum has now.
You’ll feel the weight lifted, as Karly and Con did, and, like them, you’ll be able to move toward regaining harmony in your home, too.
But before I share this question with you, let's talk about feelings for a moment.
These days, many educators and parents are doing a great job of helping kids expand their awareness of emotions. The trouble is that most people don’t know how to utilise this increased awareness of emotions.
Here's the truth: many kids and adults can express how they feel, but they don’t yet know what to do with these emotions and how to move on from feeling stuck, “overemoting.” (This is the trap we can all fall into when we’re stuck in a negative thought loop without knowing how to move forward.)
When a child is worried about something, they’re already feeling anxious which means their nervous system is already in a heightened state which can lead to them becoming very annoyed when their parents or educators ask them how they feel.
In fact, doing this can escalate their emotional state.
So, rather than ask your child how they feel, in that moment, try this instead:
“I can see that this is affecting you.
Would you like some help with this or have you got this?”
Why is this question so powerful?
1. This helps you to take a step back, observe your child and become acutely aware of their emotional state. You don’t need to know the exact label for their feelings. You simply need to know that what they’re experiencing is impacting them.
2. This allows you to validate and acknowledge your child from a place of compassion without judgement so they feel seen, heard and understood.
3. This question shows your child you’re on their team because you’ve acknowledged the effect this situation is having on them and asked if they would like your support.
4. You didn’t tell them what to do and try to solve the issue for them. This means you’re empowering your child by giving them the option of accepting your support or not.
5. This simple question puts the situation back in your child’s hands, allowing them to assess whether they can manage the challenge independently. When they confidently respond, "Yes, I've got this!" You’ve just empowered them to seek their own solutions.
6. You’ve lovingly provided your child with the opportunity to take ownership of solving the problem. This exercises their thinking and problem-solving muscles, not yours, and helps them create and strengthen positive neural pathways they can activate when they face new challenges.
7. If your child expressed uncertainty or reached out for your assistance, this provides an opening for you to offer requested, rather than imposed guidance and support. Validating their feelings, providing reassurance, and collaborating on coping strategies can significantly impact them and how they resolve issues in the future.
8. The fundamental principle is to grant your child the space to take ownership while assuring them that your support is always within reach. Over time, this approach cultivates their self-efficacy and builds their skills to navigate life's stressors.
It's important to acknowledge that this journey isn't devoid of challenges. There may be times when your child pushes you away or experiences emotional outbursts before finding their resilience. However, by saying and asking this powerful question you plant the seed of trust and self-confidence that will eventually allow them to thrive, even when challenged.
So, next time you notice your child is stuck in a negative loop of thoughts and feelings I encourage you to say:
“I can see that this is affecting you.
Would you like some help with this or have you got this?”
- Sue :)
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Recent blogs:
What to Do and What NOT to Do About School Anxiety
Monday, November 11, 2024
Your child's bright, creative spirit used to light up the room. But lately, that light seems dimmed by a dark cloud of anxiety. You see their internal struggle unfold daily through meltdowns, school refusal, and overwhelming fears. Behind their worried eyes lies a sensitive soul yearning to break free, and as their parent, watching their pain is almost unbearable.
The Hidden Impact of Emotional Trauma on Childhood Anxiety
Monday, September 09, 2024
Many of us grew up hearing phrases like, "Why are you crying? I'll give you something to cry about!" These words, often said in frustration, may seem harmless in the moment but can have lasting effects on a child's emotional well-being.
Why I Became Resistant and Anxious at School - A Client Story
Sunday, August 25, 2024
Have you ever wondered why your child seems to resist school more and more? The anxiety, the reluctance to get ready in the morning, the excuses not to go—it’s enough to make any parent worry. What if it’s not just a phase? What if something deeper is at play?
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