Teach Your Child How To Accept Compliments
Sunday, October 29, 2023
Sunday, October 29, 2023
Teach Your Child How To Accept Compliments
Sunday, October 29, 2023
Teach Your Child How To Accept Compliments
It may sound like such a little thing, that you should teach your child to accept compliments. But it’s amazing the difference this skill can make for your child and their confidence.
It may sound like such a little thing, that you should teach your child to accept compliments. But it’s amazing the difference this skill can make for your child and their confidence.
Think about this for a minute…
Have you ever had someone say something nice about you, and your immediate response is, "Oh, it's no big deal"?
You're not alone.
We often downplay compliments, thinking it's a sign of humility. But what if I told you that accepting compliments graciously can be a game-changer? And teaching your child how to accept compliments can be incredibly powerful, not just for their self-esteem.
In the video below, we're diving into the world of compliments. We'll unpack why we often struggle with them and the surprising impact it has on our self-esteem and relationships.
We'll share personal stories, explore common pitfalls, and, most importantly, give you practical tips to not only accept compliments but also teach your kids this essential life skill.
Family History To Not Accept Compliments:
Many families have been taught – unintentionally or intentionally, unconsciously or consciously – many of us have been taught, “Don't be arrogant”, and maybe it wasn't even said out loud, but it was learned by the demonstrated behaviour around us that you don't accept compliments.
So I took a class about 18 months ago. It was just purely on accepting compliments. I remember Melissa in my class, and I paid her a compliment, and she struggled to accept it. And then we tried again… and then we tried again, and we practised it.
Throughout the week she was practising accepting a compliment.
Let’s look at how this is done.
In the video above, I practised this compliment-giving exercise with Efi, one of the awesome ladies on a call within my CALM Parents and Kids Hub.
Now Efi hasn’t been very good at accepting compliments. She’s getting better. However, I know that it has been a thing for her.
So I paid Efi a compliment:
“Efi, I love that t-shirt and jacket combo that you've got on there. It's really cool. I even think… is that pink words on the jacket that go with the top? How cool is that? I love it!”
Efi’s response was typical of many people who struggle to accept compliments. It went along the lines of:
“Oh yeah, I just threw it together. I just got up in the morning and, you know, it was dark, the room was dark and I just, didn't realise…”
Can we see how she's already over-complicated it and is playing herself down… playing down the compliment?
I know I used to do this. I used to say, “Oh no, this is just a Target thing. It's just a $6 thing.” I'd play it down.
Are You Offending Others?
Now, this is no slur against Efi. This is what a lot of us tend to do. We often bat it back. But unfortunately, here's the clincher…
I used to do this. And it wasn't until someone challenged me and said, “Can you not do that? It really offends me.”
And I thought, “Offends you? How can it offend you?”
They said, “Well, I've made the effort to pay a compliment to you, and you've just negated it.”
Then I started going, “Oh, sorry. Oh, I'm sorry.”
Because a lot of us who don't accept compliments say ‘sorry’ a lot and say, “Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry I'm here. Sorry I'm on this planet.” That's what it really means. It's a low self-worth comment that we’re saying.
When that person said that to me, and I said, “Sorry” – now, this person is a brilliant coach, and this was way early in my journey – and she taught me not to do that. She said, “So you don't want to offend me? Is that right? So how about you respectfully accept the compliment?”
So what do we do?
How do we accept a compliment?
What could you do instead?
Okay, so let's try again and see how we go.
In our video above, I tried giving Efi another compliment.
I said, “So, I love your jacket, Efi, and I love that you've got this little pink bit there, the writing, and it matches your pink shirt. What an awesome combo. I love it.”
And Efi replied, “Oh, thank you.”
BOOM! That's all she needs to do.
Who's going to practise this?
Now, we've got to teach our kids to do it, too. And we have to lead by example.
Particularly if you’ve got a child who brushes things off, start leading by example and start saying, “Thank you. Thank you. It’s pretty awesome, isn't it?”
Start showing them what self-confidence looks like because they might not even know what it looks like.
The more you practise this, the more natural it will become for you AND your child.
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As an anxious child I used to think there was something seriously wrong with me. In fact, for four decades I kept this a secret until I discovered there was nothing wrong with me at all. My parents would often ask…… “what’s wrong, now?" And I cringe as I recall myself saying this to my sensitive, big feeling daughter.
It may sound like such a little thing, that you should teach your child to accept compliments. But it’s amazing the difference this skill can make for your child and their confidence.
Think about this for a minute…
Have you ever had someone say something nice about you, and your immediate response is, "Oh, it's no big deal"?
You're not alone.
We often downplay compliments, thinking it's a sign of humility. But what if I told you that accepting compliments graciously can be a game-changer? And teaching your child how to accept compliments can be incredibly powerful, not just for their self-esteem.
In the video below, we're diving into the world of compliments. We'll unpack why we often struggle with them and the surprising impact it has on our self-esteem and relationships.
We'll share personal stories, explore common pitfalls, and, most importantly, give you practical tips to not only accept compliments but also teach your kids this essential life skill.
Family History To Not Accept Compliments:
Many families have been taught – unintentionally or intentionally, unconsciously or consciously – many of us have been taught, “Don't be arrogant”, and maybe it wasn't even said out loud, but it was learned by the demonstrated behaviour around us that you don't accept compliments.
So I took a class about 18 months ago. It was just purely on accepting compliments. I remember Melissa in my class, and I paid her a compliment, and she struggled to accept it. And then we tried again… and then we tried again, and we practised it.
Throughout the week she was practising accepting a compliment.
Let’s look at how this is done.
In the video above, I practised this compliment-giving exercise with Efi, one of the awesome ladies on a call within my CALM Parents and Kids Hub.
Now Efi hasn’t been very good at accepting compliments. She’s getting better. However, I know that it has been a thing for her.
So I paid Efi a compliment:
“Efi, I love that t-shirt and jacket combo that you've got on there. It's really cool. I even think… is that pink words on the jacket that go with the top? How cool is that? I love it!”
Efi’s response was typical of many people who struggle to accept compliments. It went along the lines of:
“Oh yeah, I just threw it together. I just got up in the morning and, you know, it was dark, the room was dark and I just, didn't realise…”
Can we see how she's already over-complicated it and is playing herself down… playing down the compliment?
I know I used to do this. I used to say, “Oh no, this is just a Target thing. It's just a $6 thing.” I'd play it down.
Are You Offending Others?
Now, this is no slur against Efi. This is what a lot of us tend to do. We often bat it back. But unfortunately, here's the clincher…
I used to do this. And it wasn't until someone challenged me and said, “Can you not do that? It really offends me.”
And I thought, “Offends you? How can it offend you?”
They said, “Well, I've made the effort to pay a compliment to you, and you've just negated it.”
Then I started going, “Oh, sorry. Oh, I'm sorry.”
Because a lot of us who don't accept compliments say ‘sorry’ a lot and say, “Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry I'm here. Sorry I'm on this planet.” That's what it really means. It's a low self-worth comment that we’re saying.
When that person said that to me, and I said, “Sorry” – now, this person is a brilliant coach, and this was way early in my journey – and she taught me not to do that. She said, “So you don't want to offend me? Is that right? So how about you respectfully accept the compliment?”
So what do we do?
How do we accept a compliment?
What could you do instead?
Okay, so let's try again and see how we go.
In our video above, I tried giving Efi another compliment.
I said, “So, I love your jacket, Efi, and I love that you've got this little pink bit there, the writing, and it matches your pink shirt. What an awesome combo. I love it.”
And Efi replied, “Oh, thank you.”
BOOM! That's all she needs to do.
Who's going to practise this?
Now, we've got to teach our kids to do it, too. And we have to lead by example.
Particularly if you’ve got a child who brushes things off, start leading by example and start saying, “Thank you. Thank you. It’s pretty awesome, isn't it?”
Start showing them what self-confidence looks like because they might not even know what it looks like.
The more you practise this, the more natural it will become for you AND your child.
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Recent blogs:
The Hidden Impact of Emotional Trauma on Childhood Anxiety
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Many of us grew up hearing phrases like, "Why are you crying? I'll give you something to cry about!" These words, often said in frustration, may seem harmless in the moment but can have lasting effects on a child's emotional well-being.
Why I Became Resistant and Anxious at School - A Client Story
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Have you ever wondered why your child seems to resist school more and more? The anxiety, the reluctance to get ready in the morning, the excuses not to go—it’s enough to make any parent worry. What if it’s not just a phase? What if something deeper is at play?
What’s Wrong with Asking “What’s Wrong?”
Sunday, July 28, 2024
As an anxious child I used to think there was something seriously wrong with me. In fact, for four decades I kept this a secret until I discovered there was nothing wrong with me at all. My parents would often ask…… “what’s wrong, now?" And I cringe as I recall myself saying this to my sensitive, big feeling daughter.
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