Teach Your Child How To Accept Compliments
Sunday, October 29, 2023
Sunday, October 29, 2023
Teach Your Child How To Accept Compliments
Sunday, October 29, 2023
Teach Your Child How To Accept Compliments
It may sound like such a little thing, that you should teach your child to accept compliments. But it’s amazing the difference this skill can make for your child and their confidence.
It may sound like such a little thing, that you should teach your child to accept compliments. But it’s amazing the difference this skill can make for your child and their confidence.
Think about this for a minute…
Have you ever had someone say something nice about you, and your immediate response is, "Oh, it's no big deal"?
You're not alone.
We often downplay compliments, thinking it's a sign of humility. But what if I told you that accepting compliments graciously can be a game-changer? And teaching your child how to accept compliments can be incredibly powerful, not just for their self-esteem.
In the video below, we're diving into the world of compliments. We'll unpack why we often struggle with them and the surprising impact it has on our self-esteem and relationships.
We'll share personal stories, explore common pitfalls, and, most importantly, give you practical tips to not only accept compliments but also teach your kids this essential life skill.
Family History To Not Accept Compliments:
Many families have been taught – unintentionally or intentionally, unconsciously or consciously – many of us have been taught, “Don't be arrogant”, and maybe it wasn't even said out loud, but it was learned by the demonstrated behaviour around us that you don't accept compliments.
So I took a class about 18 months ago. It was just purely on accepting compliments. I remember Melissa in my class, and I paid her a compliment, and she struggled to accept it. And then we tried again… and then we tried again, and we practised it.
Throughout the week she was practising accepting a compliment.
Let’s look at how this is done.
In the video above, I practised this compliment-giving exercise with Efi, one of the awesome ladies on a call within my CALM Parents and Kids Hub.
Now Efi hasn’t been very good at accepting compliments. She’s getting better. However, I know that it has been a thing for her.
So I paid Efi a compliment:
“Efi, I love that t-shirt and jacket combo that you've got on there. It's really cool. I even think… is that pink words on the jacket that go with the top? How cool is that? I love it!”
Efi’s response was typical of many people who struggle to accept compliments. It went along the lines of:
“Oh yeah, I just threw it together. I just got up in the morning and, you know, it was dark, the room was dark and I just, didn't realise…”
Can we see how she's already over-complicated it and is playing herself down… playing down the compliment?
I know I used to do this. I used to say, “Oh no, this is just a Target thing. It's just a $6 thing.” I'd play it down.
Are You Offending Others?
Now, this is no slur against Efi. This is what a lot of us tend to do. We often bat it back. But unfortunately, here's the clincher…
I used to do this. And it wasn't until someone challenged me and said, “Can you not do that? It really offends me.”
And I thought, “Offends you? How can it offend you?”
They said, “Well, I've made the effort to pay a compliment to you, and you've just negated it.”
Then I started going, “Oh, sorry. Oh, I'm sorry.”
Because a lot of us who don't accept compliments say ‘sorry’ a lot and say, “Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry I'm here. Sorry I'm on this planet.” That's what it really means. It's a low self-worth comment that we’re saying.
When that person said that to me, and I said, “Sorry” – now, this person is a brilliant coach, and this was way early in my journey – and she taught me not to do that. She said, “So you don't want to offend me? Is that right? So how about you respectfully accept the compliment?”
So what do we do?
How do we accept a compliment?
What could you do instead?
Okay, so let's try again and see how we go.
In our video above, I tried giving Efi another compliment.
I said, “So, I love your jacket, Efi, and I love that you've got this little pink bit there, the writing, and it matches your pink shirt. What an awesome combo. I love it.”
And Efi replied, “Oh, thank you.”
BOOM! That's all she needs to do.
Who's going to practise this?
Now, we've got to teach our kids to do it, too. And we have to lead by example.
Particularly if you’ve got a child who brushes things off, start leading by example and start saying, “Thank you. Thank you. It’s pretty awesome, isn't it?”
Start showing them what self-confidence looks like because they might not even know what it looks like.
The more you practise this, the more natural it will become for you AND your child.
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When Nothing Sticks: How to Break Through When You’ve “Tried Everything”
The scripts from that parenting coach on Instagram. The strategies the therapist gave you. The tricks from your friend whose kid actually listens the first time. You’ve tried it all. And for a day or two, they worked for you. But then? Right back to square one. The tantrums. The power struggles. The exhaustion. And you’re left wondering: Why does nothing stick? What is going wrong?
It may sound like such a little thing, that you should teach your child to accept compliments. But it’s amazing the difference this skill can make for your child and their confidence.
Think about this for a minute…
Have you ever had someone say something nice about you, and your immediate response is, "Oh, it's no big deal"?
You're not alone.
We often downplay compliments, thinking it's a sign of humility. But what if I told you that accepting compliments graciously can be a game-changer? And teaching your child how to accept compliments can be incredibly powerful, not just for their self-esteem.
In the video below, we're diving into the world of compliments. We'll unpack why we often struggle with them and the surprising impact it has on our self-esteem and relationships.
We'll share personal stories, explore common pitfalls, and, most importantly, give you practical tips to not only accept compliments but also teach your kids this essential life skill.
Family History To Not Accept Compliments:
Many families have been taught – unintentionally or intentionally, unconsciously or consciously – many of us have been taught, “Don't be arrogant”, and maybe it wasn't even said out loud, but it was learned by the demonstrated behaviour around us that you don't accept compliments.
So I took a class about 18 months ago. It was just purely on accepting compliments. I remember Melissa in my class, and I paid her a compliment, and she struggled to accept it. And then we tried again… and then we tried again, and we practised it.
Throughout the week she was practising accepting a compliment.
Let’s look at how this is done.
In the video above, I practised this compliment-giving exercise with Efi, one of the awesome ladies on a call within my CALM Parents and Kids Hub.
Now Efi hasn’t been very good at accepting compliments. She’s getting better. However, I know that it has been a thing for her.
So I paid Efi a compliment:
“Efi, I love that t-shirt and jacket combo that you've got on there. It's really cool. I even think… is that pink words on the jacket that go with the top? How cool is that? I love it!”
Efi’s response was typical of many people who struggle to accept compliments. It went along the lines of:
“Oh yeah, I just threw it together. I just got up in the morning and, you know, it was dark, the room was dark and I just, didn't realise…”
Can we see how she's already over-complicated it and is playing herself down… playing down the compliment?
I know I used to do this. I used to say, “Oh no, this is just a Target thing. It's just a $6 thing.” I'd play it down.
Are You Offending Others?
Now, this is no slur against Efi. This is what a lot of us tend to do. We often bat it back. But unfortunately, here's the clincher…
I used to do this. And it wasn't until someone challenged me and said, “Can you not do that? It really offends me.”
And I thought, “Offends you? How can it offend you?”
They said, “Well, I've made the effort to pay a compliment to you, and you've just negated it.”
Then I started going, “Oh, sorry. Oh, I'm sorry.”
Because a lot of us who don't accept compliments say ‘sorry’ a lot and say, “Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry I'm here. Sorry I'm on this planet.” That's what it really means. It's a low self-worth comment that we’re saying.
When that person said that to me, and I said, “Sorry” – now, this person is a brilliant coach, and this was way early in my journey – and she taught me not to do that. She said, “So you don't want to offend me? Is that right? So how about you respectfully accept the compliment?”
So what do we do?
How do we accept a compliment?
What could you do instead?
Okay, so let's try again and see how we go.
In our video above, I tried giving Efi another compliment.
I said, “So, I love your jacket, Efi, and I love that you've got this little pink bit there, the writing, and it matches your pink shirt. What an awesome combo. I love it.”
And Efi replied, “Oh, thank you.”
BOOM! That's all she needs to do.
Who's going to practise this?
Now, we've got to teach our kids to do it, too. And we have to lead by example.
Particularly if you’ve got a child who brushes things off, start leading by example and start saying, “Thank you. Thank you. It’s pretty awesome, isn't it?”
Start showing them what self-confidence looks like because they might not even know what it looks like.
The more you practise this, the more natural it will become for you AND your child.
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Recent blogs:
Anxiety Is Not a Life Sentence: Kierra’s Story
Tuesday, May 27, 2025
When a 9-year-old girl sees “her anxiety” as a lifelong identity, it starts holding her back. She stops enjoying her favorite activities. Her parents realize she’s developed the internal belief that her anxiety means she can’t have fun and she is broken. To help their daughter become courageous and resilient (and get her back to having fun), they focus on rewriting her internal beliefs – including the belief that anxiety is something she has to deal with forever.
Is school failing your anxious child? Melissa’s story
Monday, May 12, 2025
After moving to a new school at 11 years old, Noah’s anxiety took a turn for the worse. The last three years have been a nightmare for him and his mum. Mum Melissa has waited for the experts at school to solve the problem. But nothing they try is working. Finally, Melissa realises that it’s up to her to lead the charge. Read on to see how Melissa figured out the solution that let Noah become a thriving, happy child again.
When Nothing Sticks: How to Break Through When You’ve “Tried Everything”
Monday, April 28, 2025
The scripts from that parenting coach on Instagram. The strategies the therapist gave you. The tricks from your friend whose kid actually listens the first time. You’ve tried it all. And for a day or two, they worked for you. But then? Right back to square one. The tantrums. The power struggles. The exhaustion. And you’re left wondering: Why does nothing stick? What is going wrong?
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