💡 Takeaway #1

If accommodating your child means that they stop doing healthy things they love – like sports, spending time with friends, and learning at school – something is out of alignment. No child should miss out on a full and rich life because of their anxiety levels. Any support or accommodations in place should empower your child, not hold them back.

The tipping point

For Jasmine, the last straw was when Kierra refused to go to the family Christmas dinner because of “her anxiety”.

Jasmine was horrified.

Not because the dinner was important to her – though it was.

But because she knew that Kierra loved seeing her grandparents and cousins.

Who was Kierra turning into?

Jasmine pushed Kierra for answers, and tearfully Kierra admitted:

“I’ll never be able to do anything fun because of my anxiety. I’m different. I can’t do all the things you want me to do. No-one understands what this is like for me.”

💡 Takeaway #2

The anxiety symptoms your child experiences – like school refusal, trouble sleeping, or meltdowns – aren’t the real issue. The real issue is the internal beliefs about themselves that they’re developing. What are the deep, internal beliefs that underlie your child’s behavior?

It’s meant to be temporary

Later that night, Jasmine admitted to Mark that they needed to make a change, but she didn’t know what to do. Mark admitted that he really didn’t know what to do either.

They came together to research solutions, and one message leapt out at them:

Anxiety isn’t a life sentence. It is meant to be temporary. It is reversible.

They had treated Kierra’s diagnosis as her identity, like a permanent part of her.

But what if instead it was a temporary challenge– more like pneumonia than a permanent limb attached to her?

Jasmine wasn’t sure she could believe it. The psychiatrist, the therapist, and all the mums Jasmine had connected with online acted like anxiety was a life-long condition.

But Mark saw hope in this idea, so they gave it a try.

💡 Takeaway #3

All levels of anxiety are meant to be temporary. No one should suffer with a disordered level of anxiety for life. Resist the urge to over accommodate and “manage” high anxiety levels, and look for solutions that will return it to normal healthy levels.

The other side

Jasmine, Mark, and Kierra started a program that didn’t talk about “managing anxiety” or “coping strategies”. Instead, this was about reversing anxiety and ending its control over Kierra for good.

It did require some commitment to changing their ways. The family had to uproot some deeply-held beliefs, acknowledge Jasmine and Mark’s role in the family dynamic, and make some big mindset shifts.

After just 6 months, Kierra’s anxiety levels were back in the normal, healthy range.

She was back dancing her heart out at hip hop, playing with her cousins, and thriving at school.

Mark was elated to see his daughter resilient and ready to face challenges. Jasmine was, too.
But most importantly, Kierra felt capable again. Now, instead of believing herself to be limited, Kierra knew how to use her strengths to achieve her goals.

All the shame and fear Jasmine had carried during Kierra’s darker moments melted away as Jasmine saw her daughter become confident and happy in her own skin.

When Kierra danced at the next recital, Jasmine found herself thinking: I did this. I got her back here. I made the changes and I turned my baby girl’s life around. 🥰

What more does any mum want?

🎯 Start Right Now: 3 Action Steps

1. Do you use language like “your anxiety” that makes anxiety seem like a permanent part of your child’s identity? Challenge yourself to rephrase and instead refer to anxiety as something your child is currently experiencing. Note that it is meant to be a temporary state.

2. Look at the accommodations in place for your child at school or elsewhere. Are they empowering or disempowering? Think about how to support your child while still empowering them to see themselves as capable and strong.

3. In a quiet moment (a drive in the car is perfect), ask your child what they think about anxiety. Do they have a healthy, empowered view of their current challenges?? Or do they feel broken and held back? Their answers might surprise you.