Step #1 to heal your child’s anxiety
Wednesday, July 02, 2025
Wednesday, July 02, 2025
Step #1 to heal your child’s anxiety
Wednesday, July 02, 2025
Step #1 to heal your child’s anxiety
Parents rush to fix anxiety—but skip the most important step. Clarity comes first. Know what’s driving your child’s anxiety, uncover your blind spots, and define a clear vision. That’s how you move from surviving to thriving—together.
Step #1 to heal your child’s anxiety
(parents struggle because they skip this)
Busy Parent Snapshot
- We often jump into looking for solutions when our children are having a difficult time. But we can’t implement solutions effectively until we’ve done some groundwork.
- Start by understanding your child’s unique beliefs, fears, and experience of anxiety.
- If nothing you’ve tried is working, here’s why you might need help to discover your blindspots.
- Don’t underestimate the importance of having a clear vision. It’s more powerful than you think.
Look for the 3 takeaways in the blog and the 4 quick action steps at the end.
I remember the moment my first daughter was born.
Despite labouring intensely for 13 hours, the moment I held her in my arms I was in a state of euphoria.
Every time I looked at this perfect human I had created I was simply in awe.
And although I had countless moments of immense joy during my parenting journey, I’m not gonna lie.
Things changed.
I continued to love her deeply and she presented challenges I didn’t seem to know how to resolve.
I followed the advice from the “experts”, trying to get everything right but she continued to be a poor sleeper, she cried a lot and I often doubted myself that I was doing something wrong.
As she got older she focused on negatives a lot and seemed very sensitive and needy.
At times I felt so exhausted I couldn’t give any more of myself.
I desperately wanted my daughter to be happy and relaxed but, despite trying everything I could think of the truth is, I was out of my depth.
I didn’t truly understand what was going on.
If I had known then what I know now, I’m quite sure things would have played out very differently.
This is why I help parents like you to have the clarity I never had.
If your child is dealing with anxiety, it’s completely normal to feel desperate to help them.
Driven by your love for your child and your pain at seeing them suffer, you dive into finding solutions, trying new parenting techniques, and you may even arrange therapy for your child.
But before we can make any real progress, we need to start with Clarity.
That’s why it’s the very first step in the CALM framework that I use to empower parents to reverse their child’s anxiety for life.
Without clarity of mind, it’s like trying to read a map in the dark—you’ll be lost for sure.
So before you try yet another parenting “trick”, start here.
What is Clarity?
Clarity touches on three main points:
- Getting clear on your child’s limiting beliefs and deepest fears
- Clearly seeing your own blind spots
- Having a clear vision
Let’s unpack those a bit.
Step 1: Clearly Understanding Your Child’s Beliefs and Fears
This means increasing your awareness—starting with your unique child, and then looking more deeply into what drives anxiety itself.
Consider the following:
- What are your child’s specific struggles?
- What feelings and thoughts are underneath those struggles?
- What are your child’s specific fears, beliefs, needs, values, passions and strengths?
- How does your child get their emotional needs met?
- How do they have their values, passions and strengths acknowledged and honoured?
- How do they communicate when they need support with these previous dot points?
Understanding anxiety and digging into what drives your child’s anxiety will give you the clarity you need.
Anxiety is not a life sentence. It’s a normal human emotional state that is meant to come and go.
It comes from our survival brain, which is designed to keep us safe. We need it to switch on in emergency situations!
But when the survival brain is in charge too often, it expands in size and dominates which makes executive functioning and having a regulated nervous system a challenge.
That’s when your child might struggle to think clearly, make decisions, or calm themselves down.
So we begin by learning about how all this works.
Knowing is not enough though, expanding your awareness and deeply understanding what’s holding your child back helps you and your child shift from fear thinking to clear thinking.
As an educator who majored in child development, psychology and human science I felt exceptional guilt and shame for not knowing and deeply understanding what I needed to not only know, but also deeply understand and apply in my parenting.
I’ve since learned that academic knowledge and gathering information is purely surface level stuff.
It’s having the clarity to know what to focus on and knowing how to apply new skills in your unique family situation that is key.
💡 Takeaway #1
Knowledge and having a deep understanding of what’s really going on helps take you out of the survival mind state (fear thinking) and into your rational, problem-solving brain (clear thinking). If you’re feeling overwhelmed and reactive because of your child’s anxious behaviour, learning more about anxiety – and what’s driving it in your child – is a good place to start.
Step 2: Clearly Seeing Your Own Blind Spots
This part is trickier—because if we could see our blind spots, they wouldn’t be blind spots!
Many of us have a tendency to focus on others (like our child or the school) because we think that’s what needs to change.
But often, the real shift begins when we start looking inward at our own patterns.
In my personal situation, it wasn’t until I began to realise that my own mind and emotional state had a huge bearing on how my daughter felt then consequently behaved.
I learned that changing how I responded to my daughter’s challenging behaviour was a game changer.
We all have unhelpful patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviours we repeat without even realising it and we all get triggered by our children at times too.
Here’s the thing: we can’t see our own blind spots and patterns without outside help to increase our awareness.
This might be through coaching, therapy, or even a trusted friend who can gently hold up a mirror.
This is a challenging step for anyone.
But it’s also essential.
All the parenting “tips and tricks” in the world won’t work until you get clarity on which unhelpful thoughts and beliefs are hiding in your own mind.
💡 Takeaway #2
Have you tried a thousand tips, tricks, and techniques to improve your child’s life? And are you frustrated that none of them have worked? That’s a sure sign that there’s a blind spot in your parenting. There’s no shame in that, every single person has blind spots. Get some outside perspective so you can figure out what your blind spot is and start making real progress.
Step 3: Putting Together a Clear Vision
Finally, we need to know where we’re going.
If you don’t know where you want to go, you likely won’t ever get there.
This step is about creating a clear vision—not just for your child, but for your whole family dynamic.
And no, “I just want to be a normal family again” or "I just want my child to be happy” is not a clear enough vision.
- What kind of parent do you want to be?
- What kind of relationship do you want to have with your child?
- What do you want your child’s days to look like?
- What do you want for the other elements of your life affected by your child’s anxiety, like your marriage, career, friendships, and your child’s siblings?
- How does my child need me to show up?
When we align with and step into our vision and we show up as our true selves aligning with our true values, we can show up as the person who will bring that vision to life – which motivates us to do what it takes to achieve it.
💡 Takeaway #3
“A clear vision backed by embracing who we need to be to achieve that vision gives us a tremendous feeling of confidence and personal power.”
The more clearly you know what you want, the faster you’ll get there.
Clarity brings focus.
It helps us move from reacting to responding with intention, from automatically surviving to thriving.
And when we gain clarity, we can help our children do the same.
🎯 Start Right Now: 4 Action Steps
1. Get curious about what is driving your child’s anxiety and what will really work for them. Sometimes we focus too much on fixing behavioral or surface issues and not enough on understanding what’s really going on underneath that’s driving your child’s anxiety.
2. Look in the mirror. This is an inside out job. We must reflect upon our own mind and body state and realise the impact this has on our children.
3. Have an honest and open conversation with a coach, friend, or other support person about what blind spots you might have in your parenting. Is there something you’re missing?
4. Take some time to think about your goals as a parent. It’s easy to get caught up in the stress of day-to-day life. Carve out time to make sure you know what you’re working towards, what really matters.
See other posts like this one:
Wednesday, July 02, 2025
Step #1 to heal your child’s anxiety
Parents rush to fix anxiety—but skip the most important step. Clarity comes first. Know what’s driving your child’s anxiety, uncover your blind spots, and define a clear vision. That’s how you move from surviving to thriving—together.
Tuesday, May 27, 2025
Anxiety Is Not a Life Sentence: Kierra’s Story
When a 9-year-old girl sees “her anxiety” as a lifelong identity, it starts holding her back. She stops enjoying her favorite activities. Her parents realize she’s developed the internal belief that her anxiety means she can’t have fun and she is broken. To help their daughter become courageous and resilient (and get her back to having fun), they focus on rewriting her internal beliefs – including the belief that anxiety is something she has to deal with forever.
Monday, May 12, 2025
Is school failing your anxious child? Melissa’s story
After moving to a new school at 11 years old, Noah’s anxiety took a turn for the worse. The last three years have been a nightmare for him and his mum. Mum Melissa has waited for the experts at school to solve the problem. But nothing they try is working. Finally, Melissa realises that it’s up to her to lead the charge. Read on to see how Melissa figured out the solution that let Noah become a thriving, happy child again.
Step #1 to heal your child’s anxiety
(parents struggle because they skip this)
Busy Parent Snapshot
- We often jump into looking for solutions when our children are having a difficult time. But we can’t implement solutions effectively until we’ve done some groundwork.
- Start by understanding your child’s unique beliefs, fears, and experience of anxiety.
- If nothing you’ve tried is working, here’s why you might need help to discover your blindspots.
- Don’t underestimate the importance of having a clear vision. It’s more powerful than you think.
Look for the 3 takeaways in the blog and the 4 quick action steps at the end.
I remember the moment my first daughter was born.
Despite labouring intensely for 13 hours, the moment I held her in my arms I was in a state of euphoria.
Every time I looked at this perfect human I had created I was simply in awe.
And although I had countless moments of immense joy during my parenting journey, I’m not gonna lie.
Things changed.
I continued to love her deeply and she presented challenges I didn’t seem to know how to resolve.
I followed the advice from the “experts”, trying to get everything right but she continued to be a poor sleeper, she cried a lot and I often doubted myself that I was doing something wrong.
As she got older she focused on negatives a lot and seemed very sensitive and needy.
At times I felt so exhausted I couldn’t give any more of myself.
I desperately wanted my daughter to be happy and relaxed but, despite trying everything I could think of the truth is, I was out of my depth.
I didn’t truly understand what was going on.
If I had known then what I know now, I’m quite sure things would have played out very differently.
This is why I help parents like you to have the clarity I never had.
If your child is dealing with anxiety, it’s completely normal to feel desperate to help them.
Driven by your love for your child and your pain at seeing them suffer, you dive into finding solutions, trying new parenting techniques, and you may even arrange therapy for your child.
But before we can make any real progress, we need to start with Clarity.
That’s why it’s the very first step in the CALM framework that I use to empower parents to reverse their child’s anxiety for life.
Without clarity of mind, it’s like trying to read a map in the dark—you’ll be lost for sure.
So before you try yet another parenting “trick”, start here.
What is Clarity?
Clarity touches on three main points:
- Getting clear on your child’s limiting beliefs and deepest fears
- Clearly seeing your own blind spots
- Having a clear vision
Let’s unpack those a bit.
Step 1: Clearly Understanding Your Child’s Beliefs and Fears
This means increasing your awareness—starting with your unique child, and then looking more deeply into what drives anxiety itself.
Consider the following:
- What are your child’s specific struggles?
- What feelings and thoughts are underneath those struggles?
- What are your child’s specific fears, beliefs, needs, values, passions and strengths?
- How does your child get their emotional needs met?
- How do they have their values, passions and strengths acknowledged and honoured?
- How do they communicate when they need support with these previous dot points?
Understanding anxiety and digging into what drives your child’s anxiety will give you the clarity you need.
Anxiety is not a life sentence. It’s a normal human emotional state that is meant to come and go.
It comes from our survival brain, which is designed to keep us safe. We need it to switch on in emergency situations!
But when the survival brain is in charge too often, it expands in size and dominates which makes executive functioning and having a regulated nervous system a challenge.
That’s when your child might struggle to think clearly, make decisions, or calm themselves down.
So we begin by learning about how all this works.
Knowing is not enough though, expanding your awareness and deeply understanding what’s holding your child back helps you and your child shift from fear thinking to clear thinking.
As an educator who majored in child development, psychology and human science I felt exceptional guilt and shame for not knowing and deeply understanding what I needed to not only know, but also deeply understand and apply in my parenting.
I’ve since learned that academic knowledge and gathering information is purely surface level stuff.
It’s having the clarity to know what to focus on and knowing how to apply new skills in your unique family situation that is key.
💡 Takeaway #1
Knowledge and having a deep understanding of what’s really going on helps take you out of the survival mind state (fear thinking) and into your rational, problem-solving brain (clear thinking). If you’re feeling overwhelmed and reactive because of your child’s anxious behaviour, learning more about anxiety – and what’s driving it in your child – is a good place to start.
Step 2: Clearly Seeing Your Own Blind Spots
This part is trickier—because if we could see our blind spots, they wouldn’t be blind spots!
Many of us have a tendency to focus on others (like our child or the school) because we think that’s what needs to change.
But often, the real shift begins when we start looking inward at our own patterns.
In my personal situation, it wasn’t until I began to realise that my own mind and emotional state had a huge bearing on how my daughter felt then consequently behaved.
I learned that changing how I responded to my daughter’s challenging behaviour was a game changer.
We all have unhelpful patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviours we repeat without even realising it and we all get triggered by our children at times too.
Here’s the thing: we can’t see our own blind spots and patterns without outside help to increase our awareness.
This might be through coaching, therapy, or even a trusted friend who can gently hold up a mirror.
This is a challenging step for anyone.
But it’s also essential.
All the parenting “tips and tricks” in the world won’t work until you get clarity on which unhelpful thoughts and beliefs are hiding in your own mind.
💡 Takeaway #2
Have you tried a thousand tips, tricks, and techniques to improve your child’s life? And are you frustrated that none of them have worked? That’s a sure sign that there’s a blind spot in your parenting. There’s no shame in that, every single person has blind spots. Get some outside perspective so you can figure out what your blind spot is and start making real progress.
Step 3: Putting Together a Clear Vision
Finally, we need to know where we’re going.
If you don’t know where you want to go, you likely won’t ever get there.
This step is about creating a clear vision—not just for your child, but for your whole family dynamic.
And no, “I just want to be a normal family again” or "I just want my child to be happy” is not a clear enough vision.
- What kind of parent do you want to be?
- What kind of relationship do you want to have with your child?
- What do you want your child’s days to look like?
- What do you want for the other elements of your life affected by your child’s anxiety, like your marriage, career, friendships, and your child’s siblings?
- How does my child need me to show up?
When we align with and step into our vision and we show up as our true selves aligning with our true values, we can show up as the person who will bring that vision to life – which motivates us to do what it takes to achieve it.
💡 Takeaway #3
“A clear vision backed by embracing who we need to be to achieve that vision gives us a tremendous feeling of confidence and personal power.”
The more clearly you know what you want, the faster you’ll get there.
Clarity brings focus.
It helps us move from reacting to responding with intention, from automatically surviving to thriving.
And when we gain clarity, we can help our children do the same.
🎯 Start Right Now: 4 Action Steps
1. Get curious about what is driving your child’s anxiety and what will really work for them. Sometimes we focus too much on fixing behavioral or surface issues and not enough on understanding what’s really going on underneath that’s driving your child’s anxiety.
2. Look in the mirror. This is an inside out job. We must reflect upon our own mind and body state and realise the impact this has on our children.
3. Have an honest and open conversation with a coach, friend, or other support person about what blind spots you might have in your parenting. Is there something you’re missing?
4. Take some time to think about your goals as a parent. It’s easy to get caught up in the stress of day-to-day life. Carve out time to make sure you know what you’re working towards, what really matters.
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Recent blogs:
Step #1 to heal your child’s anxiety
Wednesday, July 02, 2025
Parents rush to fix anxiety—but skip the most important step. Clarity comes first. Know what’s driving your child’s anxiety, uncover your blind spots, and define a clear vision. That’s how you move from surviving to thriving—together.
Anxiety Is Not a Life Sentence: Kierra’s Story
Tuesday, May 27, 2025
When a 9-year-old girl sees “her anxiety” as a lifelong identity, it starts holding her back. She stops enjoying her favorite activities. Her parents realize she’s developed the internal belief that her anxiety means she can’t have fun and she is broken. To help their daughter become courageous and resilient (and get her back to having fun), they focus on rewriting her internal beliefs – including the belief that anxiety is something she has to deal with forever.
Is school failing your anxious child? Melissa’s story
Monday, May 12, 2025
After moving to a new school at 11 years old, Noah’s anxiety took a turn for the worse. The last three years have been a nightmare for him and his mum. Mum Melissa has waited for the experts at school to solve the problem. But nothing they try is working. Finally, Melissa realises that it’s up to her to lead the charge. Read on to see how Melissa figured out the solution that let Noah become a thriving, happy child again.
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