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Empower Your Child To Make Independent Decisions – Part 1

Sunday, January 14, 2024

Sunday, January 14, 2024

Empower Your Child To Make Independent Decisions – Part 1

Sunday, January 14, 2024

Empower Your Child To Make Independent Decisions – Part 1

Empower your child with practical tips on decision-making and a transformative 'I Wonder' technique to start your journey towards a stronger family dynamic now.

Do you ever wonder if it’s possible to empower your child to make better decisions?

Or have you ever felt the struggle of readjusting your child after they've been away, immersed in technology?

Well, you’re certainly not alone there. This is a common challenge, especially for parents of children who regularly share time with parents who are no longer together or visiting grandparents, or even friends, where different habits are (or aren’t) acceptable.

So today, let's dive into a solution that not only helps in these situations but also empowers your child to make better decisions.

Yes, you heard that right – empowering your child.

In the video below we hear from one of the wonderful parents in my CALM Parents and Kids Hub. Watch now to hear more about the issue she’s been experiencing with her device-loving child and strategies to turn this around.

The Return from Tech-Land:

Here’s the problem:

“My child goes to his dad's and he is just about to come back this week. And he has been on Xbox, Nintendo TV, phone all the time. They don't do anything, but because he is a Steiner kid we don't have anything like that here.

So he comes back over-stimulated and then, the minute he gets in the door, he's bored. We go through a whole block of time – usually three days for a weekend. So it'll be longer potentially, because he's been there for three weeks. But we've got to readjust him and his expectations of what he can do and what he can do himself.”

As a parent, you want to find a balance, and that's where the 'agreed understandings' that we discussed in our “Help Your Child Thrive: The Power of Creating Boundaries”

For example, something like: “This is what happens with us. This is how we roll. Yep. That's how they roll. That's not us. This is how we roll. So how can we make this work here?"

The fact is that you're involving them and including them in this decision making. Okay, maybe they're not appreciating it yet. But they will appreciate that. They will understand and appreciate that you consider them when you’re agreeing on things, when you’re coming up with plans, when you’re deciding things.

And this is important.

Involving Your Child in Decision Making

In this situation, this Mum goes on to explain that she “always will give him things to do that are cleaning and non-fun things because I know he won't do them. And so it's like, well, I am offering things. It's just, you choose not to do them. So you have to think of your own things. If you want something to do that you would like to do. And I don’t know if that's a good goal or not.”

Now, if you didn't include the ‘fun’ part, then yeah… that would be hard for him to handle. But, by saying “You could do this or you could think of something fun to do”, that’s a good idea.

Because then you could add, “Huh... I wonder what you could do now.”

We do need to honour the fact that many kids actually are stuck thinking of something. So they do often need us to give them the helping hand, just the trigger.

Now one of the brilliant tricks you can use here is just a, “Huh, I wonder, huh?”

And you're looking up, you've got your finger here on your chin and it's, “Hmm. I wonder now…”. Half the time you can think of a hundred things that he could do, but you want it to come from him again. “I'm really stuck. What do you reckon? Hmm. Well, I suppose you could do the washing. You could help me with the washing, but what else? Huh?”

Now they're thinking, “Oh, far out. I'm not gonna do the washing. No way.

Then suddenly they start thinking faster.

Empower Your Child By Triggering Their Thinking:

So I used to do that in the classroom a lot, especially with kids who were not answering or were very reluctant, very shy kids. I'd go up – not in the whole class often, because they weren't ready for that – I'd go up next to them and I'd say, “Hey, how are you going with that, blah, blah,” whatever it was. And they’d tell me that they’re really stuck, or something along those lines.

Then I’d say, “Hmm, I wonder how, I wonder what…” And it just gets them into thinking mode.

Or if I had a whole class and if I had kids that weren't contributing and I needed to re-engage them, they'd all gone flat and no one was answering or something, I’d just say, “Oh, I can't think of the word. What's the word?” Even though I'd know it in my head.

Another example, although I didn’t exactly do this because I didn't teach maths. But as an example, “1 + 1 is what, what is it?”

And I ask the easiest question. But then nearly every kid in the class, they've all suddenly got their hands up and I've got them back. Then I’d say, “Ha, thank you. I don't know why I couldn't think of that. Thank you.” And they're back thinking; you've just triggered their thinking.

Empower Your Child: The Key to Lasting Change:

So, next time you’re faced with a similar challenge, take a leap into a journey of empowerment with your child. By involving them in decision-making, you're not just guiding them; you're fostering a sense of responsibility and ownership. Try the 'I Wonder' technique, be patient, and watch the magic unfold.

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Do you ever wonder if it’s possible to empower your child to make better decisions?

Or have you ever felt the struggle of readjusting your child after they've been away, immersed in technology?

Well, you’re certainly not alone there. This is a common challenge, especially for parents of children who regularly share time with parents who are no longer together or visiting grandparents, or even friends, where different habits are (or aren’t) acceptable.

So today, let's dive into a solution that not only helps in these situations but also empowers your child to make better decisions.

Yes, you heard that right – empowering your child.

In the video below we hear from one of the wonderful parents in my CALM Parents and Kids Hub. Watch now to hear more about the issue she’s been experiencing with her device-loving child and strategies to turn this around.

The Return from Tech-Land:

Here’s the problem:

“My child goes to his dad's and he is just about to come back this week. And he has been on Xbox, Nintendo TV, phone all the time. They don't do anything, but because he is a Steiner kid we don't have anything like that here.

So he comes back over-stimulated and then, the minute he gets in the door, he's bored. We go through a whole block of time – usually three days for a weekend. So it'll be longer potentially, because he's been there for three weeks. But we've got to readjust him and his expectations of what he can do and what he can do himself.”

As a parent, you want to find a balance, and that's where the 'agreed understandings' that we discussed in our “Help Your Child Thrive: The Power of Creating Boundaries”

For example, something like: “This is what happens with us. This is how we roll. Yep. That's how they roll. That's not us. This is how we roll. So how can we make this work here?"

The fact is that you're involving them and including them in this decision making. Okay, maybe they're not appreciating it yet. But they will appreciate that. They will understand and appreciate that you consider them when you’re agreeing on things, when you’re coming up with plans, when you’re deciding things.

And this is important.

Involving Your Child in Decision Making

In this situation, this Mum goes on to explain that she “always will give him things to do that are cleaning and non-fun things because I know he won't do them. And so it's like, well, I am offering things. It's just, you choose not to do them. So you have to think of your own things. If you want something to do that you would like to do. And I don’t know if that's a good goal or not.”

Now, if you didn't include the ‘fun’ part, then yeah… that would be hard for him to handle. But, by saying “You could do this or you could think of something fun to do”, that’s a good idea.

Because then you could add, “Huh... I wonder what you could do now.”

We do need to honour the fact that many kids actually are stuck thinking of something. So they do often need us to give them the helping hand, just the trigger.

Now one of the brilliant tricks you can use here is just a, “Huh, I wonder, huh?”

And you're looking up, you've got your finger here on your chin and it's, “Hmm. I wonder now…”. Half the time you can think of a hundred things that he could do, but you want it to come from him again. “I'm really stuck. What do you reckon? Hmm. Well, I suppose you could do the washing. You could help me with the washing, but what else? Huh?”

Now they're thinking, “Oh, far out. I'm not gonna do the washing. No way.

Then suddenly they start thinking faster.

Empower Your Child By Triggering Their Thinking:

So I used to do that in the classroom a lot, especially with kids who were not answering or were very reluctant, very shy kids. I'd go up – not in the whole class often, because they weren't ready for that – I'd go up next to them and I'd say, “Hey, how are you going with that, blah, blah,” whatever it was. And they’d tell me that they’re really stuck, or something along those lines.

Then I’d say, “Hmm, I wonder how, I wonder what…” And it just gets them into thinking mode.

Or if I had a whole class and if I had kids that weren't contributing and I needed to re-engage them, they'd all gone flat and no one was answering or something, I’d just say, “Oh, I can't think of the word. What's the word?” Even though I'd know it in my head.

Another example, although I didn’t exactly do this because I didn't teach maths. But as an example, “1 + 1 is what, what is it?”

And I ask the easiest question. But then nearly every kid in the class, they've all suddenly got their hands up and I've got them back. Then I’d say, “Ha, thank you. I don't know why I couldn't think of that. Thank you.” And they're back thinking; you've just triggered their thinking.

Empower Your Child: The Key to Lasting Change:

So, next time you’re faced with a similar challenge, take a leap into a journey of empowerment with your child. By involving them in decision-making, you're not just guiding them; you're fostering a sense of responsibility and ownership. Try the 'I Wonder' technique, be patient, and watch the magic unfold.

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