What to Do If Gentle Parenting Is Making Your Child’s Anxiety Worse
Monday, March 31, 2025
Monday, March 31, 2025
What to Do If Gentle Parenting Is Making Your Child’s Anxiety Worse
Monday, March 31, 2025
What to Do If Gentle Parenting Is Making Your Child’s Anxiety Worse
You’ve done everything right - kindness, listening, connection. You’ve embraced gentle parenting, believing it’s the key to raising a confident, emotionally healthy child. But now your child clings to you, paralyzed by fear, and you wonder: is my well-intentioned approach unintentionally making their anxiety worse?
You’ve done everything right - kindness, listening, connection. You’ve embraced gentle parenting, believing it’s the key to raising a confident, emotionally healthy child. But now your child clings to you, paralyzed by fear, and you wonder: is my well-intentioned approach unintentionally making their anxiety worse?
There are many misunderstandings about gentle parenting. When done incorrectly, it can reinforce a sense of helplessness and dependence, keeping children stuck in survival mode rather than building their strength.
When Rescuing Leads to Ruin
You know the all too familiar feeling of being trapped between your child’s tears and the crushing weight of responsibility. Your child clings to you, their tiny hands tightly grasping yours as they cry, “Don’t make me go!” The sound of their sobs twists in your chest - each tear another reminder that you’re failing to protect them.
You want to shelter them from the storm of their anxiety so you cave. “It’s okay, you don’t have to go,” you whisper, defeated.
👉 You cancel the plans
👉 You reschedule the activities
👉 You keep them close, thinking you’re providing safety
In reality, you’re building a cage made of comfort that keeps them from discovering their strength.
It’s a painful realization that the very thing you’re doing to protect your child might be deepening their anxiety, reinforcing the idea that they can’t face challenges without you. When gentle parenting veers into rescue mode, it stops building resilience and starts feeding the fear.
The Fine Line Between Sympathy & Empathy
Your child’s fearful plea + your instinctive need to protect + the silent agreement that avoidance is the answer = a methodology that keeps your child in a victim mind state. You see…
Sympathy says, “I feel so sorry for you. Let me take this burden away” and this actually enforces the belief that they are too fragile to handle the world without constant rescue.
Empathy, however, whispers a different truth: “I see your fear, and I believe you can do hard things. I’ll walk beside you as you try.”
This shift from sympathy to empathy is critical. It transforms anxiety from a crippling force into a challenge to face and overcome.
Sarah and Emma: A Story of Strength Building
5-year old Sarah’s mornings had become a battleground. Every weekday, the caregiver’s arrival was met with Emma’s tears and desperate cries for her Mum, Sarah, not to go to work. Sarah felt the weight of each sob, the panic in her daughter’s eyes igniting a fierce protectiveness. The guilt gnawed at her - what kind of mother leaves when her child begs her to stay?
Working from home became the new normal. Sarah shuffled meetings, made excuses, and tried to balance her unyielding workload with comforting Emma. But the more she stayed, the worse Emma’s anxiety became. Fear spread into every corner of Emma’s life, from playdates to bedtime, each separation a fresh trauma. Sarah’s heart ached, and resentment began to creep in. She missed deadlines, lost clients, and lay awake at night, fearing she might lose her job. She felt trapped in a losing battle between guilt for staying and guilt for leaving.
The breaking point came one Tuesday morning. Emma’s tears had started before breakfast, her little body trembling as she pleaded, “Don’t go, Mummy. I need you.” Sarah felt something snap.
Sarah realized that staying was feeding Emma’s fear, not easing it, and things had to change.
Kneeling, Sarah said gently, “I know you’re scared, and that’s okay. But you are brave, Emma. You can do hard things.” Emma’s eyes searched her face, still wet with tears. They practised taking deep breaths, and Sarah helped Emma imagine what bravery looked like - standing tall, even when afraid.
Sarah resolutely walked to the door and Emma cried, but this time, Sarah kept moving. Her heart felt heavy, and guilt clawed at her, but something deeper began to take root. It was hope.
The first few days were brutal, filled with tearful goodbyes and Sarah’s lonely sobs in the car. But slowly, Emma’s cries lessened. She began to engage with the caregiver and play without constantly looking for her Mum. Sarah watched in awe as Emma discovered the strength that had been inside her all along.
Suffering Isn’t the Enemy
One of the hardest pills for a parent to swallow is that suffering is a part of growth. Anxiety is a product of the brain’s survival mechanism, the amygdala, which reacts to perceived threats with avoidance. Shielding our children from every challenge strengthens this mechanism, teaching them that the world is too dangerous to face alone.
The goal isn’t to eliminate fear but to teach our children that they can move through it, and doing so doesn’t mean abandoning them in their struggle, but guiding them as they navigate discomfort. If your child fears trying out for the soccer team, don't remove the obstacle. Stand beside them, acknowledging the fear while encouraging small steps forward.
Heart-Centered, Strength-Building Tips
Validate
Acknowledge your child’s feelings without trying to erase them. Instead of saying, “There’s nothing to be scared of,” try, “I know this feels scary, but you can handle it.” Encourage them to take the first step toward facing their fear by reinforcing your belief in them.
Teach Confidence
Equip your child with coping skills like deep breathing or visualization. Remind them, “You’ve done hard things before, and you can do this too!”
Model Courage
Children learn from our actions. Face your challenges openly, demonstrating calm perseverance. Share your fears and how you’ve overcome them, offering a powerful example of resilience.
The Long-Term Rewards of Empowerment
Sarah’s journey with Emma didn’t immediately end with smiles all around and a magically confident child. There were still hard days, setbacks, and moments of doubt. However, with each small step, Emma’s inner strength grew, as did Sarah’s confidence as a mother. Watching her daughter transform from a fearful child into a courageous one was a reward that could only come from making a U-turn and coupling gentle parenting with a new methodology.
It’s okay for them to struggle. It’s through that discomfort and struggle, that they’ll discover just how capable they truly are.
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Monday, April 14, 2025
Screen Time Meltdowns? How to Break the Cycle
You know the scene: You tell your child it’s time to turn off the tablet, and suddenly, the sky is falling. Tears, screaming, maybe even a full-body flop onto the floor. Your sweet child just giggling at a silly YouTube video is now thrashing around like you’ve taken away their oxygen.
Monday, March 31, 2025
What to Do If Gentle Parenting Is Making Your Child’s Anxiety Worse
You’ve done everything right - kindness, listening, connection. You’ve embraced gentle parenting, believing it’s the key to raising a confident, emotionally healthy child. But now your child clings to you, paralyzed by fear, and you wonder: is my well-intentioned approach unintentionally making their anxiety worse?
Monday, March 17, 2025
The ABC Method: From Tantrums to Trust
It’s 7:30 AM, and chaos reigns in your kitchen. The clock is ticking. You’re late. Your child is wailing, tears streaming down their face because their favorite cereal is gone. You didn’t even know “the dinosaur cereal” was that important until now.
You’ve done everything right - kindness, listening, connection. You’ve embraced gentle parenting, believing it’s the key to raising a confident, emotionally healthy child. But now your child clings to you, paralyzed by fear, and you wonder: is my well-intentioned approach unintentionally making their anxiety worse?
There are many misunderstandings about gentle parenting. When done incorrectly, it can reinforce a sense of helplessness and dependence, keeping children stuck in survival mode rather than building their strength.
When Rescuing Leads to Ruin
You know the all too familiar feeling of being trapped between your child’s tears and the crushing weight of responsibility. Your child clings to you, their tiny hands tightly grasping yours as they cry, “Don’t make me go!” The sound of their sobs twists in your chest - each tear another reminder that you’re failing to protect them.
You want to shelter them from the storm of their anxiety so you cave. “It’s okay, you don’t have to go,” you whisper, defeated.
👉 You cancel the plans
👉 You reschedule the activities
👉 You keep them close, thinking you’re providing safety
In reality, you’re building a cage made of comfort that keeps them from discovering their strength.
It’s a painful realization that the very thing you’re doing to protect your child might be deepening their anxiety, reinforcing the idea that they can’t face challenges without you. When gentle parenting veers into rescue mode, it stops building resilience and starts feeding the fear.
The Fine Line Between Sympathy & Empathy
Your child’s fearful plea + your instinctive need to protect + the silent agreement that avoidance is the answer = a methodology that keeps your child in a victim mind state. You see…
Sympathy says, “I feel so sorry for you. Let me take this burden away” and this actually enforces the belief that they are too fragile to handle the world without constant rescue.
Empathy, however, whispers a different truth: “I see your fear, and I believe you can do hard things. I’ll walk beside you as you try.”
This shift from sympathy to empathy is critical. It transforms anxiety from a crippling force into a challenge to face and overcome.
Sarah and Emma: A Story of Strength Building
5-year old Sarah’s mornings had become a battleground. Every weekday, the caregiver’s arrival was met with Emma’s tears and desperate cries for her Mum, Sarah, not to go to work. Sarah felt the weight of each sob, the panic in her daughter’s eyes igniting a fierce protectiveness. The guilt gnawed at her - what kind of mother leaves when her child begs her to stay?
Working from home became the new normal. Sarah shuffled meetings, made excuses, and tried to balance her unyielding workload with comforting Emma. But the more she stayed, the worse Emma’s anxiety became. Fear spread into every corner of Emma’s life, from playdates to bedtime, each separation a fresh trauma. Sarah’s heart ached, and resentment began to creep in. She missed deadlines, lost clients, and lay awake at night, fearing she might lose her job. She felt trapped in a losing battle between guilt for staying and guilt for leaving.
The breaking point came one Tuesday morning. Emma’s tears had started before breakfast, her little body trembling as she pleaded, “Don’t go, Mummy. I need you.” Sarah felt something snap.
Sarah realized that staying was feeding Emma’s fear, not easing it, and things had to change.
Kneeling, Sarah said gently, “I know you’re scared, and that’s okay. But you are brave, Emma. You can do hard things.” Emma’s eyes searched her face, still wet with tears. They practised taking deep breaths, and Sarah helped Emma imagine what bravery looked like - standing tall, even when afraid.
Sarah resolutely walked to the door and Emma cried, but this time, Sarah kept moving. Her heart felt heavy, and guilt clawed at her, but something deeper began to take root. It was hope.
The first few days were brutal, filled with tearful goodbyes and Sarah’s lonely sobs in the car. But slowly, Emma’s cries lessened. She began to engage with the caregiver and play without constantly looking for her Mum. Sarah watched in awe as Emma discovered the strength that had been inside her all along.
Suffering Isn’t the Enemy
One of the hardest pills for a parent to swallow is that suffering is a part of growth. Anxiety is a product of the brain’s survival mechanism, the amygdala, which reacts to perceived threats with avoidance. Shielding our children from every challenge strengthens this mechanism, teaching them that the world is too dangerous to face alone.
The goal isn’t to eliminate fear but to teach our children that they can move through it, and doing so doesn’t mean abandoning them in their struggle, but guiding them as they navigate discomfort. If your child fears trying out for the soccer team, don't remove the obstacle. Stand beside them, acknowledging the fear while encouraging small steps forward.
Heart-Centered, Strength-Building Tips
Validate
Acknowledge your child’s feelings without trying to erase them. Instead of saying, “There’s nothing to be scared of,” try, “I know this feels scary, but you can handle it.” Encourage them to take the first step toward facing their fear by reinforcing your belief in them.
Teach Confidence
Equip your child with coping skills like deep breathing or visualization. Remind them, “You’ve done hard things before, and you can do this too!”
Model Courage
Children learn from our actions. Face your challenges openly, demonstrating calm perseverance. Share your fears and how you’ve overcome them, offering a powerful example of resilience.
The Long-Term Rewards of Empowerment
Sarah’s journey with Emma didn’t immediately end with smiles all around and a magically confident child. There were still hard days, setbacks, and moments of doubt. However, with each small step, Emma’s inner strength grew, as did Sarah’s confidence as a mother. Watching her daughter transform from a fearful child into a courageous one was a reward that could only come from making a U-turn and coupling gentle parenting with a new methodology.
It’s okay for them to struggle. It’s through that discomfort and struggle, that they’ll discover just how capable they truly are.
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Save Your Seat For This FREE Class - Tuesday Apr 29th
Discover the exact formula that stops anxiety ruling your child’s life in 90 minutes!
Discover the exact formula that stops anxiety ruling your child’s life in 90 minutes!
Recent blogs:
Screen Time Meltdowns? How to Break the Cycle
Monday, April 14, 2025
You know the scene: You tell your child it’s time to turn off the tablet, and suddenly, the sky is falling. Tears, screaming, maybe even a full-body flop onto the floor. Your sweet child just giggling at a silly YouTube video is now thrashing around like you’ve taken away their oxygen.
What to Do If Gentle Parenting Is Making Your Child’s Anxiety Worse
Monday, March 31, 2025
You’ve done everything right - kindness, listening, connection. You’ve embraced gentle parenting, believing it’s the key to raising a confident, emotionally healthy child. But now your child clings to you, paralyzed by fear, and you wonder: is my well-intentioned approach unintentionally making their anxiety worse?
The ABC Method: From Tantrums to Trust
Monday, March 17, 2025
It’s 7:30 AM, and chaos reigns in your kitchen. The clock is ticking. You’re late. Your child is wailing, tears streaming down their face because their favorite cereal is gone. You didn’t even know “the dinosaur cereal” was that important until now.
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