The ABC Method: From Tantrums to Trust
Monday, March 17, 2025
Monday, March 17, 2025
The ABC Method: From Tantrums to Trust
Monday, March 17, 2025
The ABC Method: From Tantrums to Trust
It’s 7:30 AM, and chaos reigns in your kitchen. The clock is ticking. You’re late. Your child is wailing, tears streaming down their face because their favorite cereal is gone. You didn’t even know “the dinosaur cereal” was that important until now.
It’s 7:30 AM, and chaos reigns in your kitchen. The clock is ticking. You’re late. Your child is wailing, tears streaming down their face because their favorite cereal is gone. You didn’t even know “the dinosaur cereal” was that important until now.
- You try reasoning: “We have waffles. You love waffles!”
- You try a command: “Stop crying right now. We don’t have time for this.”
- You resort to a bribe: “If you stop, I’ll buy two boxes of dinosaur cereal this afternoon.”
It’s not working. They scream louder. You can feel your frustration rising, bubbling dangerously close to the surface. You catch yourself thinking, "Why is my kid like this? Why can’t they just stop?"
But then, a thought enters your mind. "What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I settle him? What if this isn’t just about them? What if it’s about me, too?"
The ABC Method was born out of messy, raw, real-life parenting moments just like this one, when nothing seems to work and you wonder if you’re failing. It starts with self reflection and the realization of the part you play in the solution.
Here’s a simple, transformative framework to shift your focus from “trying to fix” your child’s problem to growing alongside them. Parenting doesn’t come with a map, but this method, Audit, Build, Calm, offers a compass to help you navigate parenting’s most challenging moments.
A - Audit Yourself
You’re standing in the kitchen, cereal crumbs on the bench, the sound of sobbing echoing in your ears. You’re frustrated. Angry, even. You might say, “What is the big deal? We have other cereal! What is wrong with you?” But then you pause for a moment.
What’s really going on here?
The first step in the ABC Method is to Audit Yourself. Ask:
🤔 Am I carrying emotions from yesterday’s meltdown?
🤔 What unmet expectations do I have right now?
🤔 How am I contributing to the tension in this moment?
When we audit ourselves, we create space between us and the situation. This space is crucial because it allows us to step out of the reactive cycle and take responsibility for our mental state.
When we do this, we model emotional regulation for our children. They don’t need a perfect parent but one willing to say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, and I’m going to take a moment to calm down.”
Auditing yourself sets the stage for healthier interactions and teaches kids an invaluable lesson - that emotions aren’t something to fear - they’re something to understand.
B - Build a Bridge of Loving Connection
Their tears continue, but now you’re calmer. You realize that commands, bribes, and threats won’t solve this. What your child needs isn’t cereal - it’s connection.
The next step in the ABC Method is to Build a Bridge of Loving Connection. You must set aside the desire to fix the problem and instead sit with your child in their feelings.
You kneel so you’re at their eye level. “You’re upset because you wanted the dinosaur cereal. I get it - that was your favorite. It’s hard when something you’re excited about isn’t there.”
Acknowledging their feelings may not stop the tantrum (they might even cry harder,) but that’s okay. Empathy isn’t about making the problem disappear - it’s about showing your child they’re not alone in their struggle.
It’s not easy to do when emotions are running high. Every part of you wants to yell, fix, or walk away. But when you choose empathy, you teach your child that their emotions are valid, and they can work through them with your support.
Interactions like this will build trust over time. They will not eliminate challenging moments but they will build that bridge for navigating them together.
C - Calm, Courageous Steps
The crying slows, but you still have to get out the door. The final step of the ABC Method is to take Calm, Courageous Steps and try something different, even if it feels uncomfortable or unnatural.
Why is this step so important? Because our brains are wired for survival, not happiness. The amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for fear and anxiety, doesn’t know how to differentiate between a real threat and a perceived one. That’s why your child’s meltdown over cereal can feel like a life-or-death situation to them.
Calm, courageous steps help train your brain to see new approaches as safe.
For example, you might sit with your child and say, “We don’t have dinosaur cereal today, but let’s pick something else together. How about toast with peanut butter? Or waffles?”
It might mean acknowledging that your child isn’t ready to make a choice and gently redirecting them: “I know you’re upset. I’ll make you some toast, and we can discuss it more in the car.”
The point isn’t to eliminate the challenge but to show your brain, and your child’s, that doing things differently is possible. Over time, these small acts of courage create new patterns, breaking the cycle of stress and reactivity.
Putting It All Together
Parenting is uncertain, and it’s exhausting. It’s running out of cereal, feeling like you’re falling short, but then realizing you have control. You get to choose a different ending to the story.
Now it’s 7:45 AM, and you’re walking out the door, hand in hand with your child. They didn’t get their dinosaur cereal, and maybe they’re still a little grumpy. But the tantrum didn’t spiral out of control like the last one. You’re both calm. You’re connected. And something about today now feels different.
The ABC Method isn’t a quick fix - it’s a mindshift.
The next time you’re in the thick of a meltdown, remember: Audit, Build, Calm. You’re in the driver’s seat and about to make a U-turn. 🥰
See other posts like this one:
Monday, April 14, 2025
Screen Time Meltdowns? How to Break the Cycle
You know the scene: You tell your child it’s time to turn off the tablet, and suddenly, the sky is falling. Tears, screaming, maybe even a full-body flop onto the floor. Your sweet child just giggling at a silly YouTube video is now thrashing around like you’ve taken away their oxygen.
Monday, March 31, 2025
What to Do If Gentle Parenting Is Making Your Child’s Anxiety Worse
You’ve done everything right - kindness, listening, connection. You’ve embraced gentle parenting, believing it’s the key to raising a confident, emotionally healthy child. But now your child clings to you, paralyzed by fear, and you wonder: is my well-intentioned approach unintentionally making their anxiety worse?
Monday, March 17, 2025
The ABC Method: From Tantrums to Trust
It’s 7:30 AM, and chaos reigns in your kitchen. The clock is ticking. You’re late. Your child is wailing, tears streaming down their face because their favorite cereal is gone. You didn’t even know “the dinosaur cereal” was that important until now.
It’s 7:30 AM, and chaos reigns in your kitchen. The clock is ticking. You’re late. Your child is wailing, tears streaming down their face because their favorite cereal is gone. You didn’t even know “the dinosaur cereal” was that important until now.
- You try reasoning: “We have waffles. You love waffles!”
- You try a command: “Stop crying right now. We don’t have time for this.”
- You resort to a bribe: “If you stop, I’ll buy two boxes of dinosaur cereal this afternoon.”
It’s not working. They scream louder. You can feel your frustration rising, bubbling dangerously close to the surface. You catch yourself thinking, "Why is my kid like this? Why can’t they just stop?"
But then, a thought enters your mind. "What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I settle him? What if this isn’t just about them? What if it’s about me, too?"
The ABC Method was born out of messy, raw, real-life parenting moments just like this one, when nothing seems to work and you wonder if you’re failing. It starts with self reflection and the realization of the part you play in the solution.
Here’s a simple, transformative framework to shift your focus from “trying to fix” your child’s problem to growing alongside them. Parenting doesn’t come with a map, but this method, Audit, Build, Calm, offers a compass to help you navigate parenting’s most challenging moments.
A - Audit Yourself
You’re standing in the kitchen, cereal crumbs on the bench, the sound of sobbing echoing in your ears. You’re frustrated. Angry, even. You might say, “What is the big deal? We have other cereal! What is wrong with you?” But then you pause for a moment.
What’s really going on here?
The first step in the ABC Method is to Audit Yourself. Ask:
🤔 Am I carrying emotions from yesterday’s meltdown?
🤔 What unmet expectations do I have right now?
🤔 How am I contributing to the tension in this moment?
When we audit ourselves, we create space between us and the situation. This space is crucial because it allows us to step out of the reactive cycle and take responsibility for our mental state.
When we do this, we model emotional regulation for our children. They don’t need a perfect parent but one willing to say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, and I’m going to take a moment to calm down.”
Auditing yourself sets the stage for healthier interactions and teaches kids an invaluable lesson - that emotions aren’t something to fear - they’re something to understand.
B - Build a Bridge of Loving Connection
Their tears continue, but now you’re calmer. You realize that commands, bribes, and threats won’t solve this. What your child needs isn’t cereal - it’s connection.
The next step in the ABC Method is to Build a Bridge of Loving Connection. You must set aside the desire to fix the problem and instead sit with your child in their feelings.
You kneel so you’re at their eye level. “You’re upset because you wanted the dinosaur cereal. I get it - that was your favorite. It’s hard when something you’re excited about isn’t there.”
Acknowledging their feelings may not stop the tantrum (they might even cry harder,) but that’s okay. Empathy isn’t about making the problem disappear - it’s about showing your child they’re not alone in their struggle.
It’s not easy to do when emotions are running high. Every part of you wants to yell, fix, or walk away. But when you choose empathy, you teach your child that their emotions are valid, and they can work through them with your support.
Interactions like this will build trust over time. They will not eliminate challenging moments but they will build that bridge for navigating them together.
C - Calm, Courageous Steps
The crying slows, but you still have to get out the door. The final step of the ABC Method is to take Calm, Courageous Steps and try something different, even if it feels uncomfortable or unnatural.
Why is this step so important? Because our brains are wired for survival, not happiness. The amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for fear and anxiety, doesn’t know how to differentiate between a real threat and a perceived one. That’s why your child’s meltdown over cereal can feel like a life-or-death situation to them.
Calm, courageous steps help train your brain to see new approaches as safe.
For example, you might sit with your child and say, “We don’t have dinosaur cereal today, but let’s pick something else together. How about toast with peanut butter? Or waffles?”
It might mean acknowledging that your child isn’t ready to make a choice and gently redirecting them: “I know you’re upset. I’ll make you some toast, and we can discuss it more in the car.”
The point isn’t to eliminate the challenge but to show your brain, and your child’s, that doing things differently is possible. Over time, these small acts of courage create new patterns, breaking the cycle of stress and reactivity.
Putting It All Together
Parenting is uncertain, and it’s exhausting. It’s running out of cereal, feeling like you’re falling short, but then realizing you have control. You get to choose a different ending to the story.
Now it’s 7:45 AM, and you’re walking out the door, hand in hand with your child. They didn’t get their dinosaur cereal, and maybe they’re still a little grumpy. But the tantrum didn’t spiral out of control like the last one. You’re both calm. You’re connected. And something about today now feels different.
The ABC Method isn’t a quick fix - it’s a mindshift.
The next time you’re in the thick of a meltdown, remember: Audit, Build, Calm. You’re in the driver’s seat and about to make a U-turn. 🥰
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Save Your Seat For This FREE Class - Tuesday Apr 29th
Discover the exact formula that stops anxiety ruling your child’s life in 90 minutes!
Discover the exact formula that stops anxiety ruling your child’s life in 90 minutes!
Recent blogs:
Screen Time Meltdowns? How to Break the Cycle
Monday, April 14, 2025
You know the scene: You tell your child it’s time to turn off the tablet, and suddenly, the sky is falling. Tears, screaming, maybe even a full-body flop onto the floor. Your sweet child just giggling at a silly YouTube video is now thrashing around like you’ve taken away their oxygen.
What to Do If Gentle Parenting Is Making Your Child’s Anxiety Worse
Monday, March 31, 2025
You’ve done everything right - kindness, listening, connection. You’ve embraced gentle parenting, believing it’s the key to raising a confident, emotionally healthy child. But now your child clings to you, paralyzed by fear, and you wonder: is my well-intentioned approach unintentionally making their anxiety worse?
The ABC Method: From Tantrums to Trust
Monday, March 17, 2025
It’s 7:30 AM, and chaos reigns in your kitchen. The clock is ticking. You’re late. Your child is wailing, tears streaming down their face because their favorite cereal is gone. You didn’t even know “the dinosaur cereal” was that important until now.
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