You try to shift her mindset, reminding her of all the accommodations to make this easier for her. She begs to stay home. You say that school will be fun today. She says her stomach hurts. You're exhausted when you reach the car, bracing for a terrible drive to school.

And that’s just your story. Your other children feel the weight, too, as their needs take a back seat to their sibling's anxiety. Though they love their sibling dearly, they may feel frustrated, neglected, or resentful.

Your relationship with your partner is also straining under the pressure. Disagreements about how to handle situations escalate into arguments. The emotional and physical toll leaves little energy for nurturing your connection and too much time questioning your parenting abilities.

And work? You’re not exactly showing up at your best every morning.

As you prepare for bed, you know tomorrow morning will be another round of desperate negotiations to get through basic tasks. You are exhausted, stressed, and feeling alone.

There are several telltale signs your child might be struggling with anxiety about school. In younger children, you might see:
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​👉 Clinginess or crying when it’s time to leave
​👉 Trouble focusing on tasks at school
​👉 Shyness or reluctance to speak up in class
​👉 Meltdowns or outbursts

In older children, it might be:

​👉 Complaining of frequent headaches or stomach aches
​👉 Friendship struggles or withdrawing from social activities
​👉 Refusal to get out of bed at home or the car at school
​👉 Excuses not to attend school

School anxiety looks different depending on the child, but at its core, it is a deep fear of not being "good enough" in the school environment. These fears often manifest in the limiting beliefs children create about themselves, such as "I'm not smart enough" or "No one will like me."

As parents, our instinct is to reassure our children. That’s what the parent in the story above tried. But telling your child, “You’ll be fine” or “School will be fun tomorrow,” can worsen things because it invalidates their feelings. They’re facing a real fear (fear that feels very real to them), and brushing it off with well-meaning reassurances can make them feel misunderstood and disconnected from you.

Another pitfall is forcing them to go, hoping they’ll get over it. This may create stronger resistance or even deepen their fear. On the other hand, making accommodations can reconfirm your child’s belief that they cannot face their fear.

So what’s a parent to do?

You're not alone in this struggle- 15-20% of humans have an anxious temperament, and this could be your child. But that doesn't mean anxiety has to control your child’s life forever.

The key lies not in trying to change your child but in transforming how your family system responds to school anxiety. Your amazing, sensitive child can still shine like the sun- they're just temporarily clouded by fear. You can help clear those clouds away when you begin to understand the power you have- in fact, that’s your role.

Research shows that the most powerful change begins with parents. You can equip yourself with the tools to make changes when you gain clarity about what's happening in your child's mind and body and step up to take control. You hold the power to guide your child back to their authentic self.

The peaceful family life you dream of, where your child participates fully in activities, where siblings thrive, and where your relationship with your partner flourishes, is possible. It starts with understanding that school anxiety isn't who your child is. It's simply a detour your family has taken. And you can make a U-Turn back toward the joyful, connected life you all deserve.

Your family's transformation begins the moment you decide to approach school anxiety differently. Not through quick fixes or bandaid strategies but through deep, lasting change that empowers everyone to thrive. Because your child and your entire family deserve to live free from anxiety's heavy clouds.